Bits & Pieces

Our wind chimes are in full song. Our weather has turned with pregnant gray skies filled with dark clouds and the wind has increased and it's slightly cooler.This new weather is a very welcome change.

I mentioned, just a few minutes ago, on Rev. Paul's blog that we have azaleas in bloom which signifies our weather is far too warm for the season. My truck is now painted a sickly green from pine pollen. Young women bandy about in bikinis.

Okay, it isn't all bad.

*****

As I've mentioned in past pieces I seldom attend church with my lovely wife. I've know for a very long time she's felt abandoned on the pew. A few days ago a young minister came into the shop and we had a cup of coffee and as is the way of some clergy he asked if I attended worship services. He didn't flinch at my response.

I refrained, as he was a customer, from asking him to mind his own business; besides he seemed like a nice man. Soon enough he asked the same question of my family. I excused myself and jerked another cup of coffee returned and took a seat alongside and explained my situation. Guess you could say I felt guilty. So be it.

Since he was young and eager I related to him as I have to you, dear reader, and we chatted for several minutes. Long story short I went to church this morning.

She'd left the house for 'Sunday School.' I hadn't yet resolved to a plan of action. I had a coffee, read my morning paper and soon, in my minds eye, pictured my lonely wife pewed in sorrow. I sighed, rose and hit the shower. I selected a wool tie (with a waterfowl pattern if you really need to know) grabbed one of my camelhair sport coats and sent her a text. It read, 'be there soon.'

I parked under an oak and stepped from my truck and slipped a small carry piece on my belt and walked toward the church. Up the steps and there she stood, all smiles. She'd waited. She took my hand and lead me towards the middle of the church. It's a big church. I glanced back at the rear row. I felt vulnerable.

The candles neither flickered nor dimmed.

When the congregation stood for hymns she sang like a angel. Her visage glowed. She was happy and we held hands.

Then, the power failed.

There was a momentary stunned silence before the group in unison continued the song. Afterwards, in the dim light of the stained windows, Sweet Wife turned to me with a look...

I said, "I warned you."

Stephen  

Bits & Pieces

I was dead to the world. Sleep is good, especially since it took me forever to reach rim. Far back, way down in my subconscious, I hear, "Honey, please. Do you have a flashlight?"

My dream responds, "Sure. I always sleep with a flashlight." She yells back, "Please Honey, wake up."

Oh.

Seems Sweet Wife washed her hair this morning. In our master bathroom we have this built-in vanity and mirror where she sits to dry her hair. She also uses an small electric heater (what is it with women and heat) but fails to turn the sucker off when she uses the hairdryer. The circuit fails.

Lovely Sweet Wife runs to the garage and tries, in the darkness, to flip the breaker back to hot. She mistakenly hits the main. Total blackout.

I'm at work an hour early.

*****

This morning I shot an armadillo. I hate 'em with a passion. They undermine my deck and generally make a mess of my backyard. When I noticed the booger it was using its front legs to gather and pull hickory leaves for its nest. It would gather the leaves then use reverse to pull the bundle under my deck.

I eased outside with an old Rossi .22 pump and gave it two rounds. The rifle was loaded with CB caps. It flopped and flipped for a few moments but in the end...

DRT.

Like I said, hate 'em.

*****

Yesterday a fella walks into the shop. He hands me a nice Ruger LC9 and says, "It won't work. Its a piece of sh*t. You want it?"

Me, "What's the problem?"

"The trigger won't work."

I insert the magazine. Slap back the slide and pull the trigger. Snap.

Him, all red faced, "Oh. What did 'ya do?"

"Just inserted the magazine."

I reached to give back his handgun. He refused to take it. Then, "You want it? I don't like it, and besides the governments gonna take 'em all back."

Debate wasn't necessary. The Lord offered me a kiss and I wasn't about to say no.

I made a ridiculous offer and he, without hesitation, accepted.

Later, as is my habit, I went online and ordered two spare magazines. The cost of the magazines far exceeded the price of the handgun.

I smiled all afternoon.

*****

I normally take my first cup of coffee outside the shop. I like to soak in the cool fresh air and listen to crows cuss, and I like to watch the children as they march towards school. They're a lively lot, five little boogers.

This morning, "Hey, Mr. Stephen." I wave.

There are three girls and two boys, most African-American. As they draw near one little girl separates from the pack. She stops before me and points and, "You gots a bad cup. I's gonna be tells my teacher 'cause you's gots 'dat bad cup."

Blink, blink. She was right, of course, my coffee cup has several images of Glock handguns.

I suppose I'd slapped a questioning expression on my face because another little boy explains..."Mr. Stephen dat dare cups be has guns on it. Guns be bad. Teacher tells us da' be's bad 'tings."

As they moved away I yelled, "Teacher's wrong. Guns are good."

They ran.

I so miss the days when a student was able to drive to school with the back window rack filled with rifle and shotguns. 


Stephen

Cool Business

Our weather has finally turned cool. Forty four degrees this morning and I love it. We experienced fairly high winds yesterday with the result of lost power - at least where I live.

So, I cooked dinner by lamp light.

Not the best picture in the world and I know it's hard to see the lamp due to the glare. The lamp is old, kerosene, and I've owned it for at least forty years. I think I own at least ten more of the old girls...wick lamps come in awful handy when the weather turns foul.

It pays to limit your dependence upon electrical power.

Business is good which limits my time on-line. Hopefully I'll find a few moments later this afternoon to write and post, but please understand when one is self-employed and the opportunity presents itself one must stuff as many dollars in the mattress as possible...after all, I've democritters to support.

Until then, please, take care out there.

Stephen