Thursday, May 9, 2013

Hey Man

Late this afternoon the bell rang. I looked out, sighed and went ahead and released the lock. A scruffy urban camper walked inside with his gear which consisted of four or five brown plastic grocery bags.

Without preamble I get this, "Hey hey hey, hey man the word is you be buy coins and stuff, you know like these here collectable coins and hey hey hey, hey man, the word is you pay good. Hey man, check it out."

He reaches over and offers a desk plaque. Its two thick pieces of clear plastic with a fake wood backing which sandwiched two uncirculated coins, a single 1971 Eisenhower dollar and a penny. The sign read John Tunney and was from a local small bank.

I glanced at the piece and asked, "What's your price?"  Always, always, make them reveal their price. Big smile, then, "Hey hey hey, hey man, listen here. That's a real silver coin. A dollar man, hey hey, how's about twenty dollars?"

Me, "No."

"Hey hey hey, hey man what the hells wrong with you? This is silver man, pure silver. They quit making these here silver coins in 1975. Don't you know nothing man...I mean hey hey hey, hey man the word is you a good  man that pays good money, hey hey come on man."

It's important to understand I felt sorry for the fella. He lives a hard life. I'm sure his nest was in the park just across the street from my shop. Hand to mouth existence. Life is indeed difficult for this man even under the best of conditions. Yet, I am a business man. On pure silver I pay twenty percent of spot. Ninety percent currency I pay half of melt value. Fair. If you do not like my offer, it's simple, take your property and walk. 

I took my cell and flipped it around and as he tried to read I explained the difference in silver content of U. S. currency. I pointed to the screen and said, "See, it contains forty percent silver and at current spot its melt value is just a bit over seven dollars. The penny is worth a penny. My offer is four dollars and you can keep the penny."

He took a quick step back and as before, "Hey hey hey, hey man this is bullsh*t and you're ripping me off man, hey hey, hey man, come on give me my twenty dollars."

As most of my friends will testify I'm a very patient and semi-quiet man. It takes a lot to tick me off. I also believe I'm a fair person willing to give most a break. I offer straight deals. It was the words, ripoff and my money, which set my meter to zero. I came around and put my face very close to his and said, "Get out."

I said it very calmly. Did not raise my voice nor hands.

He lowered his head and mumbled, "Sorry man, hey hey hey, hey man, really I'm sorry. It's just I need cash man."

I backed off. Reached in my pocket and peeled off four dollars and placed the cash and his coins back into his hands. I remained silent and pointed at the door.

He left.

There but for the grace of our Lord..... 


Lock & Load

I'm bored to death with work. I need to shoot, something. Perhaps I'll lock the shop and climb into my truck and find some zombies to tag.

I might even drive over to my friend, Duke's house and see if I can drag him away from his firewood pile.

 Last year Duke recorded a great double on fleeing democritters which I recorded as a single since both critters pants had dropped to ankle level. Fair is fair.

 We might stop and grab, Senior as our driver. He performs well behind the wheel. I'll try and keep a rifle out of his hands as he has a tendency to fire full auto which is a true waste of a now precious resource. So we'll put his more fire controlled wife, Glock Mom on shotgun duty. She's a far better shot than her jittery husband.

First though, we'll need to drop by the courthouse for tags. This is serious business. To tag a Zombie critter one must jump, after of course you confirm a solid hit, from the moving vehicle and place the tag just so on the fallen critters ear and then snap a picture for the state. Tag placement and clear photos are then submitted to the local courthouse. When validated ten points are awarded. Fuzzy snapshots are voided.

Wish us luck.

My trigger finger has a deep itch.

(I write the laws to suit my purposes.)