Autumn

Autumn

Thursday, June 21, 2012

Bits & Pieces

Beautiful day here....warm, light winds. Tropical storm dinking around out in the Gulf. As with all things in life if you want to make God laugh tell him your plans. We have a long weekend planned at Cedar Key. We leave tomorrow morning. What the heck, rainy days make for fine reading.


Tomorrow is Sweet Wife's birthday. She'll be twenty-five. (I bet she smiles if she reads this post.) Anyhow, a few days later we celebrate our anniversary. This weekend is my gift to her. She needs a break from her routine. It's been a rough year and her tears have left tracks on her cheeks which will take years erase.

I will post from Cedar Key between nap sessions. It'll be the first trip in many years without our Little Bit. She'll be missed.

******

Last weekend I joined my friends for a day out at our Boar's Nest. Spent some time on the range. The little (and very heavy) Detonics Pocket 9 functioned flawlessly. I'd been told she would have an awful recoil, a hurt your hand kick. Bullhockey. Her weight absorbed and she fired like a dream. I like her. She'll now replace my backup carry piece in my satchel.



I did order a spare magazine for her which are as rare as hen's teeth. Took me a while to find one but finally came across a little shop out in Kalifornia. Place called Gunclip Depot.. The final tally was a wee bit over forty dollars. Hate it when people refer to a magazine as a 'clip.' If you think you're a member of the gun culture and walk around calling a magazine a 'clip,' go buy a pair of clogs and walk a poodle......

I also wrung out my new to me Para P-12 .45. Again, flawless performance and quite accurate. Not a single hiccup.  Well worth the money paid. I love a good gun deal.

Isn't she pretty....

*****

A few days ago my good friend, Duke, came by the shop and gave me a gift of a bag of his fresh homegrown tomatoes. Most of the bag held yellow tomatoes. Sweet, with a sharp fresh acid taste....remember the tomatoes your grandparents grew in their backyards...yeah, that kind. I took the yellow tomatoes and made a big salad last evening. So good. Thanks, Bubba.


I still have a few left over and hope to pack them down to Cedar Key. They're too good to waste and I'm the kind of fella that enjoys a good tomato with nothing more than a shaker of salt.

*****

Business is slow this morning. Excuse me while I jerk another cup of coffee.

*****

I took a walk this morning. Must have been around three. I have many sleepless nights of late. Anyhow, I eased down to the river and walked out to the edge of my neighbors dock and listened to the crickets and a school of mullet flip and flop from the water. I stood there, hands in pockets, for close to twenty minutes then slowly walked back and took a seat on our front porch and listened to an old owl sing a haunted song until the light of dawn.



When you hear of people speak of lonely it's not easy to relate. I believe I understand, now. Sometimes lonely hasn't a cure. It can become a permanent part of ones life. As of yesterday I'm sure my loneliness became fixed, branded on my soul.

Within the next few weeks I shall make a decision. Is life worth living without a heart....or should I simply thank God for what I have and toughen my soul with the loss and plug forward empty of happiness.

I'm weary.

P.S., Sweet Wife will be 'over' fifty tomorrow. The twenty-five was a joke....

Stephen

30 comments:

  1. My heart aches at hearing of your heartache. I pray God arranges things in a manner that heals everyone involved.

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    Replies
    1. I'm afraid, my good friend, it's too late. I'll try and explain in time. Thank you.

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  2. Second attempt at posting, the first disappeared. so if the first attempt shows up later, my apologies.

    You won't be tempted with anything that there hasn't already been a way out provided. Sometimes it's hard to find it, and you may have to look really hard, but it's there. That's in the Good Book, my friend.

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  3. This too shall pass. Time can heal. Doesn't make today any easier.

    Enjoy Cedar Key. Take along some light and fun reading -nothing too heavy.

    Happy Birthday to your sweet wife.

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    Replies
    1. I can't wait until we leave, my friend. I do enjoy Cedar Key. Kinda wish I could move there.

      Thank you, on behalf of Sweet Wife. God bless.

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  4. Happy 25th to your Sweet Wife, and happy anniversary to the both of you. I pray you'll find some relaxation and happiness in Cedar Key, rain or not.

    Keep on going - while there's life, there's hope. Men make plans and God laughs, yes, but when men can't see any way out, God is still there, holding open a door.

    Enjoy the tomatoes, and here's hoping the rain keeps the heat down.

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    Replies
    1. Thank you, my nice friend. I trust hope is just over the horizon....

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  5. Where there is hurt and loneliness, there is always hope. Keep fighting and holding out hope, Stephen.
    I don't know you from Adam just what I have read on this blog, but you strike me as a strong man that would not give up! Fight whatever demon is haunting you.

    Other than that the guns look sweet, I'm still trying to figure out which handgun would be right for me. Everyone keeps sending me to the generic types.

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    Replies
    1. Thank you, Beth. I have fought until I'm blue in the face. I've given up. It's in God's hand now.

      Guns, like people, have personalities. When the right one comes along you'll know it was made for you. I agree, generic isn't always the best choice...try a small .22 revolver...they work.

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    2. I'm really little. So most everything packs a real punch for me. Firing the 30/30 last month about landed me on my bum.

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  6. HOW I wish I'd read this sooner. Believe it or not but I have a blogger friend who lives in Jacksonville and we'd like to head up there to visit her AND stop by your store. And now I find out you'll be in Cedar Key!!! CRAP!!

    On the other hand, if you've steadily read my blog, you'll have a good idea about my beloved brother (now passed). You remind me SO MUCH of him in every way. He went to his grave fighting for adoption rights to his grandchild. After he died, his drug addict son lost his inheritance immediately: three brick homes and $700,000 all on drugs.

    The little girl DID grow up, but not surrounded by what my brother wanted to provide. But, surprisingly, she is drug free and well on her way to being a good woman.

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    Replies
    1. Sweetheart, there is always a tomorrow. I hope I do your beloved brother justice. Thanks for sharing your story.

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  7. Enjoy your time with Sweat Wife. Happy B Day to her. Things have a way of working out for the better. Its hard when we can't control everything that happens in our lives. That's what I keep telling myself.

    How many years have you two been married?? My wife's parents marked 64 yrs together Monday. We are approaching 25 in Aug.

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    Replies
    1. I shall. We need time away, quiet time with just each the other...I'll write, read, and hopefully, sleep. Thanks, Rob.

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  8. Stephen,
    First, let me say... Happy 25th Birthday to your Sweet Wife! Also, Happy Anniversary! Now go relax and enjoy Cedar Key. Bring plenty of books to read, maybe a fishing pole....just a thought! Remember, your heart is always with you. Right now, you can't control what is happening. Allow some time to pass, things will work out. I know, it's easier said then done.
    Your Friend Sandy
    P.S. do you think you could take a picture or two of the water in Cedar Key? (I miss Florida)

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    Replies
    1. Thanks, Sandy...and yes, I'll post a few pictures from Cedar Key if, and it's a big if, cell coverage is available...it's spotty. I have wi-fi at the condo, but Lord it takes time to load.
      Sweet Wife will be turning 55 tomorrow. I married a child....

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  9. Hope you have a relaxing weekend. Enjoy!

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  10. Stephen, happy B day to sweet wife. And Happy Anniversary.

    Take it one day at a time. The lord is the writer of all of our life's stories. And, he knows what is the next chapter. Be open, and try to stay positive, in mind and spirit. He does not close one door. With out opening another. Though some times it seems otherwise.
    You and sweet wife, are some of the most strongest and giving people I know. Even though we have not met in person. And only know each other through Blogging.
    Enjoy Cedar Key. Clear your mind. Eat some good food, and relax if you can. For, tomorrow could hold the key, to a better day.

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  11. Stephen, many times in my own life I have fought struggled cried bleed and been beat down by what life gas brought to my door. It's when I found myself broken and spent on the floor, unable to continue on my own (when I surrender) that God takes over and things get worked out. :) Good luck and God bless!

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  12. Take plenty of bottled water along. Was talking to someone at the Cedar Key Historical Society today and she told me that salt water has gotten into their water supply. I suppose that beer would do as well

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  13. Phyllis (N/W Jersey)June 21, 2012 at 10:21 PM

    Happy Anniversary wishes being sent your way!
    Enjoy your vacation - and don't forget to go fishing!
    Happy Birthday, Sweet Wife. Enjoy your special day!
    Ah, I do remember being 55 - a looong time ago...(sigh)

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  14. Happy Birthday to your sweet wife!
    Happy Anniversary to the both of you!
    Hope you can catch up on some sleep over the long weekend.
    Still praying for you, your wife, Lil Bit, and the rest of the family.

    Now there you go again maligning poodles. It would be quite amusing to watch someone trying to walk Chloe in clogs, especially if there are any rabbits, squirrels, or cats in the vicinity.

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  15. I confess, I wonder if your situation with Little Bit is anything like mine with my three girls. We won physical custody almost two years ago, after a bitter, 14-month get-to-court-just-to-do-battle experience. It was awful at times, and I tell you, I despaired many times. I wondered if God heard the screams of my heart over these precious little girls who didn't deserve what they'd been born into. I begged God repeatedly to fulfill his promise to be father to the fatherless, to not put these children in further jeopardy, to not yank them away from us after we'd spent two years raising them as our own. I went through some very, very dark days.

    A college friend who was struggling with her faith asked me, after we'd made it through court and were out on the other side, if I had seen the hand of God throughout our ordeal. I answered her honestly: at lot of the times, when the forest was so thick I couldn't see the trees, I couldn't. But as I took the time to reflect, in hindsight, the patterns of God's handiwork were everywhere...and they stretched back for years! It took me an hour and a half to lay it out for her.

    I don't know your situation, my friend. I wish I knew more, if only to pray more effectively. One thing I do know: God is big enough to handle your pain, to absorb your heartache, to bear the weight that seems to be crushing you right now. I know, because, even when I doubted him most in the last four years, he's been faithful, and he's been there, rock solid.

    My email address is on my Blogger profile page. You know where to find me if you need an ear.

    In the meantime, happy birthday to your dear wife, happy anniversary to you both, and enjoy your tomatoes and a restful weekend. May it bring a balm to your soul that I suspect you deeply need right now.

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  16. Stephen,

    Happy Birthday to Sweet Wife, and Happy Anniversary to you both!
    One (of the many)thing I pray for nightly is that this situation resolves itself for you and Little Bit.
    She is 7 years old. A time when she is really starting to figure things out on her own. Has her father considered that he risks creating a divide with his own daughter over this by keeping her from you and Sweet Wife?
    If she decides he is the one keeping you apart, she may very well turn all her hurt and anger on him.
    God forbid.
    I do wish for all your sakes that he sees the light, and ends the pain in your lives.

    God Bless you all.
    Keangnt

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  17. Happy Birthday to Sweet Wife, and happy anniversary to you both. I hope this getaway will help you to get some rest and that you two will enjoy your time away together.

    As Keagnt stated, Little Bit is old enough to understand that you love her and want to spend time with her... and to read between the lines of whatever she's being told. She knows you would be with her if you could. Never doubt that.

    I understand lonely. And I'm sorry it has come to visit you and seems likely to stay - at least for the time being. Keep your head up, and know that (although it isn't the same) you are surrounded by imaginary internet friends who are praying for you and for your family.

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  18. Happy Birthday to Sweet Wife and congratulations on your anniversary! i am glad that you are getting away, dear sweet one, and i hope that you get to enjoy some down-time. your Sweet Wife needs it and you need it, too. i hope that you will update us on what is happening with Little Bit when you return - if you can. i am worried about her, you and Sweet Wife.

    we send our love to all three of you....always. your friends,
    kymber and jambaloney

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  19. Happy Birthday to Sweet Wife & Happy Anniversary to you both! Enjoy your get away time together. You both need a nice breather from all the happenings that have been going on of late. God Bless you all and may He give you peace, strength, courage & wisdom.

    Best wishes to you!
    your friend,
    ~hobo

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  20. There's one word that just jumps out at me when I read the 2nd amendment--necessary.

    Keep blogging.

    I Want My Country Back (video link below)

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=le7IV1ltgNE&feature=plcp

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