Autumn

Autumn

Thursday, February 2, 2012

Just Before Dawn

And I've just now switched off my Kindle. Sweet Wife is fast asleep; I envy her. She's cute with the blanket drawn tightly around her shoulders. She's so tired.

My muse fails me. I tried several times in the last few hours to write a couple of short pieces only to find my finger angrily pounding the backspace key. I've asked myself why and had to admit, to blame my pain medication is silly. My muse is tied tightly to my state of mind which isn't well these days. I'm hungry too.

I want to walk under the sun and breath fresh air. I want a bowl of clam chowder, a real cup of coffee. I want to walk the streets of some little village and peek inside a bakery where a rotund flour soaked old man removes a fresh loaf of butter soaked bread from a hot oven and says, "Help yourself."

My emotions are raw and close to the surface. I want the hell out of here. I want to hold my Little Bit. I worry about my business. Literature only takes one so far.





Stephen

46 comments:

  1. I know its hard. It takes time to heal. Yes you will get so close to the edge and you just want to scream "enough". I take it your illness was a little while in the making?? Thinking back to LB comment about death and dieing, These comments very well could have been an early warning sign that there was trouble ahead??? One of those stop and make you think moments??

    I myself do not like DR, clinics and hospitals. BUT our health is very important. When we get older we need to stop and think not only about yourself but those around us. My mom told me she felt alone after her mom, and brother passed. I told her how can you be alone with Dad, my brother, my wife, my five kids and me. It did not matter, in her mind she was alone.

    Now that she has passed, she is with them all looking down on us. This moment is just a small grain of sand in the hour glass of life.

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    1. Thanks for sharing, Rob. Your comments help.

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  2. Stephen, I've read your blog for awhile now without commenting but feel lead to leave a few words of encouragement this morning. I'll be praying for your "state of mind" as well as your physical health, because as a nurse I realize how closely the two are linked. Work with the hospital personel to get well soon, and if someone can bring in decent coffee and meals--go for it!

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    1. Thank you my friend. Wish I had your name. And, thanks for reading my humble blog. My state of mind fluctuates with the information given by my care givers. Yesterday, a so-called expert in infectious diseases said the healing process, for me, might take as long as three months. Boom, I'm depressed...God bless you.

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  3. Sometimes just letting it out can help. Share the load with us and we will take some of it off your shoulders.

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    1. JC, my good friend, I believe I'm letting too much out. I feel sharing the load gets extremely boring for my readers and I'm to the point where I think it best for me to change subjects. Thank you very much...

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  4. Just my 2 cents, please don't take it other than words of encouragement.


    Good morning Stephen, I know this is an old cliche, but think about the other people that are worse off than you right now. The ones that come into to the ER and never leave. The ones suffering a terminal illness. Young and old, male and female. We all have trials and tribulations in our lives and some make it and some don't. Try be positive as it seems you have beaten the scythe carrier this time.

    I sometimes have to take pause and do that in my own life. The sun will rise tomorrow, the world will still spin and life will go on. In a few months you will look back at this and realize it was only a short brief experience in time.

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    1. My friend, you are correct. Thank you. Your advice is well taken and thanks for your very kind comment. Yes, I did beat that sob scathe humping butthole, by four to six hours, at least that's what the surgeon claims.

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  5. Stephen, Hang in there! Look at this as practice for when shtf. You're out of sink, away from home or the comfort and ease that comes with being at home, the food stinks, you may have to deal with rude and uncaring people, but you can't fail to overcome. You have to get better as quickly as possible, and keeping a positive attitude will bring you home sooner to Lil Bit. We'll keep praying for you. Best wishes

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    1. Izzy, good practice indeed. If folks think they'll beat death after SHTF without some very good antibiotics, they're dreaming. Thank you.

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  6. I know it's frustrating, all I have for you right now are virtual hugs.

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    1. And, I'll take them all day long...bless you.

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  7. Hi Bubba, Just think how good it will be to get out breathe some fresh air and squeeze off a few rounds. I was thinking, seeing as you weren't feeling good maybe I could find someone to come over and feel you real good.

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    1. I'm standing by to stand by...send 'em on over. Thank you my friend.

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  8. Dear sweet friend - i know it sucks right now. and sucks bad. i understand how much you miss your Little Bit and i know this is probably not easy on her either. tell Sweet Wife to rest as often as possible - she must be tired. and she has probably been through some shock. i feel terrible that you are stuck in there, bored out of your mind and all you want is OUT. but you have to get better first. and we are all here for when you need to vent.

    and you got a bunch of virtual hugs from me and Phelan!

    your friend,
    kymber

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    1. I love those virtual hugs...you are an angel.

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  9. Being hospitalized sucks - it's exhausting and distracting. Don't worry about things like this for a while. Or, if you insist on blogging, tell us about the books you are reading while laid up. I'll bet I'm not the only one out here always looking for suggestions for a good read.

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  10. Replies
    1. Sherry, yes it is...thank you very much.

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  11. Stephen,
    Fight is right when the alternative is flight.
    Remember that.
    It is your coping method.
    No one knows what you are feeling...pain, and anxiety over that which you have no control!
    It is yours at this time and place, and will pass.

    Trust that your maker has taken you this far, and will not forsake you.
    Believe. Your faith is being tested.
    Fight if this is what you must do to stay whole, strong and to heal.

    Just do not hurt the nurses!

    Your Guardian Angel


    Prayers are streaming for your full recovery and healing!

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  12. PS
    Time is of God's clock, not ours!

    XXXOOO

    YGA

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  13. Stephen, I'm not sure there is much to say beyond keep yourself buoyed up as much as possible to speed your healing, your customers will be anxious to have you back at your shop(we know how much of a relief it has been in our town as tornado destroyed businesses come back).

    I do really hope you get moved to a room/status that little-bit can at least hug you soon. I'm sure that would do more to help your healing than your personal Spanish Inquisition would ever admit.

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    1. Thank you, my friend. I've a feeling it'll be a while before I'm given permission to hold my Little Bit...permission - what an awful word.

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  14. I know it's frustrating, but you are improving. Take time to heal while you can. Better to be bored silly for a little while longer than to end up back in the hospital or worse later.

    And Little Bit will be happy to see you when you finally get out. My little ones certainly were.

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    1. Well said. I can't wait...literally. Thanks.

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  15. Being four hours behind Eastern time, these good folks have beaten me to it. But I'd still love to bring you a good coffee and food of your choice. God knows what he's doing, and got you there so the doctors could save you.

    I'll still pray for a very quick recovery.

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    1. Thank you, my friend..I'll take the coffee, and the prayers are an added bonus.

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  16. I know what you mean by state of mind chasing the muse away. Pain does that--I was in pretty constant pain (right knee from an old sports injury--it wasn't arthritis, but it acted like it, and almost nothing did more than dull the pain to a manageable level) from about October through April for about ten years, before my imp came along. So does depression--when you're told it's going to be months before it ends, it does get you down.

    Remember this, though: doctors always give you the worst case scenario. They told me that I wouldn't get to bring the imp home before his due date (eight weeks early, and spent a lot of time in the NICU), but they were being pessimistic in order to not get my hopes up too high (and avoid a lawsuit, probably). Ignore that "three months" diagnosis, and move at your own pace.

    Get someone to bring coffee in for you. That will do wonders. Check and see if the hospital will let you have an airsoft pistol, and if so, get Duke to bring a couple in, and one of those sticky-gel dart-board targets, and the two of you play gun-darts.

    Remember, too, that we all care, and we're all pulling for you to make that doctor eat his heartless, depressing words.

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    1. Dear Sweet Lady...the good Lord knows I understand what you said about our muse. She's a fickle little lady, isn't she..and the doctors and their worse case scenario. Thank you for the nice comment.

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  17. Phyllis (N/W Jersey)February 2, 2012 at 12:17 PM

    Venting is part of your recovery - We would all be worried if you loved being in the hospital! Sending hugs and wishing someone would bring you a really, really good cup of coffee....... XOXO

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    1. Phyllis, thank you so very much, and kisses and hugs right back at 'ya.

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  18. There are those of us praying for you my friend, probably more than you know. Little Bit needs ya. We all do. But God is still able to heal.

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    1. So very true..it's in God's hands now. Your prayers and those all the other wonderful people out there are sure appreciated. Thank you.

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  19. One of my favorite quotes is from Spider Robinson: "Shared pain is lessened; shared joy, increased - this do we refute entropy." Keep sharing the pain. It will help lessen it. We will do our part and share as much joy as we have to give to increase yours.

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    1. Thanks, my good friend...I think it best I keep silent from here on out about my pain. She is after all mine to bear. I do sincerely appreciate the concern, prayers and kind words of encouragement I've received over the last few days...God bless.

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  20. Hang in there. We are all praying for a quick, full recovery for you.
    Blessings!

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    1. Thank you so very much...such kindness. Please, rest assured I do so appreciate your prayers.

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  21. Hang in there brother, just keep venting and raging on your blog and we will keep praying and sending those positive vibes your way. Your are in a weird place inside your own head right now, just let it all out and things will come together again.

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    1. My brother...my venting is finished. Thank you for your kind and welcome words. Bless you.

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  22. Don't know anything about you, except what kymber's said, but I said a prayer for you the other day, and will say another as soon as this comment posts.

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    1. Thank you, Sir. Hang around..friends are rare, good ones priceless. Your prayers humble me.

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  23. Know this you are in our prayers. If the whole bunch of us on here could take your pain away.. we would. I know it is depressing right now. How long after the vacumn pump will they let you go home? Soon you will be going home. Coffee--good coffee you should be able to get right on that floor. They should have a little brew running at all hours on all shifts. Tell them it is imperative for your healing. Drink your juices and eat your veggies, and you shouldn't have any problem with your tummy insides. The pain meds can stop you up. .True, but they can give you something for that. I know you don't like speaking of your pain. Go ahead, we don't mind. Want you to get better soon. Rest rest and know you have angels watching over you for a speedy recover! Little Bit can talk to you on the phone, right. Tell Sweet Wife, she is in Our Prayers as well. Every morning and night I begin and end with, "Lord, Hear Our Prayers".

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    1. Sweetone, God has heard my prayers and given me an answer...it was 'yes.' Thank you.

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