Autumn

Autumn

Tuesday, January 8, 2013

Bits & Pieces

I was dead to the world. Sleep is good, especially since it took me forever to reach rim. Far back, way down in my subconscious, I hear, "Honey, please. Do you have a flashlight?"

My dream responds, "Sure. I always sleep with a flashlight." She yells back, "Please Honey, wake up."


Oh.

Seems Sweet Wife washed her hair this morning. In our master bathroom we have this built-in vanity and mirror where she sits to dry her hair. She also uses an small electric heater (what is it with women and heat) but fails to turn the sucker off when she uses the hairdryer. The circuit fails.

Lovely Sweet Wife runs to the garage and tries, in the darkness, to flip the breaker back to hot. She mistakenly hits the main. Total blackout.

I'm at work an hour early.

*****

This morning I shot an armadillo. I hate 'em with a passion. They undermine my deck and generally make a mess of my backyard. When I noticed the booger it was using its front legs to gather and pull hickory leaves for its nest. It would gather the leaves then use reverse to pull the bundle under my deck.



I eased outside with an old Rossi .22 pump and gave it two rounds. The rifle was loaded with CB caps. It flopped and flipped for a few moments but in the end...

DRT.

Like I said, hate 'em.

*****

Yesterday a fella walks into the shop. He hands me a nice Ruger LC9 and says, "It won't work. Its a piece of sh*t. You want it?"

Me, "What's the problem?"

"The trigger won't work."

I insert the magazine. Slap back the slide and pull the trigger. Snap.

Him, all red faced, "Oh. What did 'ya do?"

"Just inserted the magazine."

I reached to give back his handgun. He refused to take it. Then, "You want it? I don't like it, and besides the governments gonna take 'em all back."

Debate wasn't necessary. The Lord offered me a kiss and I wasn't about to say no.

I made a ridiculous offer and he, without hesitation, accepted.

Later, as is my habit, I went online and ordered two spare magazines. The cost of the magazines far exceeded the price of the handgun.

I smiled all afternoon.

*****

I normally take my first cup of coffee outside the shop. I like to soak in the cool fresh air and listen to crows cuss, and I like to watch the children as they march towards school. They're a lively lot, five little boogers.

This morning, "Hey, Mr. Stephen." I wave.

There are three girls and two boys, most African-American. As they draw near one little girl separates from the pack. She stops before me and points and, "You gots a bad cup. I's gonna be tells my teacher 'cause you's gots 'dat bad cup."

Blink, blink. She was right, of course, my coffee cup has several images of Glock handguns.

I suppose I'd slapped a questioning expression on my face because another little boy explains..."Mr. Stephen dat dare cups be has guns on it. Guns be bad. Teacher tells us da' be's bad 'tings."

As they moved away I yelled, "Teacher's wrong. Guns are good."

They ran.

I so miss the days when a student was able to drive to school with the back window rack filled with rifle and shotguns. 


Stephen


25 comments:

  1. An LC9 for roughly the cost of a magazine? Coolness & groovitude! My eldest has one of those - it's a fine pistol; you done good.

    I was awakened at 2:46 by a wrong number, so I feel your pain. Hope the lack of rest doesn't mess up your day too badly.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. An LC9 for roughly the cost of a magazine?

      Stephen you lucky *bleep*, God bless ya.

      Delete
    2. Sometimes, Rev. Paul, one sits down in a pile of poop and stands with gold on his butt...

      Thanks, Odysseus, I agree, plain luck...

      Delete
  2. Stephen,
    my husband and I are adopting. Comments like "guns are bad"(among a million other reasons) make me never want to send her to public school. I thought it was bad when my homemade kids were in school.... seems to be getting worse and worse.

    Lisa

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Good for you...never, ever, send the child to the state school...I'd eat beans to keep my children (now a days) out of the state's hands...bless you, and good luck.

      Delete
  3. Comments like 'guns are bad' are followed by me reminding them that guns enabled them the freedom to say whatever they want.

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  4. Ever grab an armadillo by the tail?... interesting experience. Its like trying to hang on to a miniature bucking bull :)

    Just make sure you wash your hands if you handle them, live or dead. Occasionally they carry leprosy. I read a study once that claimed up to 1/3 of the US human leprosy cases are due to contact with armadillos.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Paladin, as a matter of fact yes, I have grabbed one by the tail and thought the bugger would drag me back down its hole...
      We used to play, kiss the armadillo on the nose...it's fun, try it. Thanks, my friend.

      Delete
  5. Remember the days when a teacher would teach how not to bastardize the English language? Now they spend their days teaching liberal indoctrination. So sad.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Yes, I do...isn't it said...
      My wife says I have remarkable memory and the ability to mimic accents. I wrote the children's exact responses word for word. Thanks, Mermaid.

      Delete
  6. Nice gun. Wouldn't mind 'falling' into such..
    Apparently dat teacher is failing in the teaching the Grammer..
    Geeshh..

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    Replies
    1. Ebonics...plain and simple. It's awful difficult to understand them, at times...Thanks, my friend.

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  7. Just another reason that I school at home.

    I blow the fuse when I use the dryer and the coffee maker. LOL

    Have a nice day.

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    Replies
    1. Thanks, Amy...good for you for home schooling...only way to fly in today's America. Hope you have a wonderful day too.

      Delete
  8. Gotta take the good with the bad... I can remember driving to school with either the 30-30 or 12Ga in the gun rack and the pistol under the seat; and not even locking the truck!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Isn't it sad, the state of our nation...thanks, my friend.

      Delete
  9. Ahhhh. Gun racks. Right behind breakable glass, next to a truck door that usually had the window down.

    Dem kids be dah ones what will soon learn dat guns be good for earnin money......since no one will hire them because they won't be able to read or write either.

    The idiot who gave up his gun to you, is one less idiot applying for a CC permit. whew.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Funny, but for the four or five years I spent in high school (mainly the tenth grade) I never had a firearm stolen from my truck.
      Very true, the children will indeed be lost. Thanks, Sweetheart.

      Delete
  10. Armadillos look like armored possums. We don't have them here but I've killed more possums than I can count. Dam things are always showing up sick.

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    1. Armadillo is bad smoked on a stick...possum and sweet potatoes work well if slow simmered over a campfire. Thanks, Corey.

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  11. I have an elsie with a laser, it was the gun I had in my pocket on election day. Decent little gun, sounds like you got a great deal.
    I had a similar discussion with a friend of my son's the other day over my shirt. My shirt was bad because guns are bad. We had a discussion about how shirts and guns don't have brains so they cannot be good or bad, only the people using or wearing them can be good or bad because they are the ones who decide how they act.

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    1. Well done, GG. Thanks, my lovely friend.

      Delete
  12. Poor sweet wife all the morning electicity drama LOL!!! Congrats on killing the armadillo, I can't remember the last time I saw one of those. I want to shoot a coyote or fox as soon as I learn how to work my new 22!!!
    All I can say about teacher is she needs to quit preachin' about guns and clearly start teachin' some grammar!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh, she had fun...standing in the dark with wet hair on a chilly morning as her husband snored. Hope you get a chance, soon, to try your new rifle.

      Yes, indeed. The school these children attend is sixty percent black, from what I've been told...and from what I see the results reflect the same. It's a damn shame. Thank you, Lovely Lady.

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