Autumn

Autumn

Tuesday, October 8, 2013

If You Say So

The woman entered the market just steps ahead of me. She was short had close cropped hair, and as it turned out, an attitude. Wasn't a doubt in my mind she lived on bean sprouts and owned six cats and her means of transportation was a recumbent bicycle with an Obama sticker affixed to its rear fender. She sported low cut Chuck Conner's, pink. The type that probably cruised dark allies in her spare time to fed crusty filth encrusted rats because the poor little things didn't have health care or medicaid.

You know how it works...when strangers hit the market about the same time as you and then you continuously bump carts on the same isles. With each pass she'd give me a look of total disgust. Finally, in the meat department I'd had enough. I looked her straight in the face and said, "Do I know you?"

"I hope the hell not. You're the most fearsome creature I've seen in weeks." Fearsome, she said...

Caught me by surprise that did, but I held my composure and came back with a sharp off the cuff, "Excuse me," then glanced around, kinda embarrassed.

"You look like one of those ultra-conservative militant militia types that want to destroy our government."

Now, here I am in my standard attire, a simple black t-shirt, 5.11 pants, dark blue cover shirt and boots, and my hat. Nothing, I believe, scary. What was it about me that gave her the impression I wanted to destroy the government. I was certain my carry piece didn't print. I haven't fired a weapon all day so it couldn't be the odor of powder residue. My knife was secure and in its place. I was certain I'd left my militia 'assault style' rifle in the truck...so what gives here.

I recovered, bent at the waste so I could hover over her little patchouli butt, and whispered, "I am."

The look on her face was priceless.

She gathered her bean sprout chubby muffin munching butt and fled.

I walked out with a smile. Felt like a kid with his first peppermint stick.

Stephen



49 comments:

  1. If it didn't make her day.She can take solace it made mine hehe.

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    Replies
    1. Happy I gave a chuckle...thanks, my friend.

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  2. Replies
    1. Thanks, Julie...it was my pleasure.

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  3. Now THAT is funny! Thanks for the smile upon my face. :0)

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    Replies
    1. You are more than welcome, Sweet One.

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  4. I know where you were for this event to happen.

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    Replies
    1. Yep, I know you do...the joint is full of 'em. Thanks, Bro.

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  5. Replies
    1. Thank you, John. She sure was a sport...

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  6. You been pokin' around in my closet sir??? :)

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    1. We do all seem to dress alike, don't we. I only shop for clothes either on the internet or places filled with firearms. Thanks, my friend.

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  7. You looked like a productive member of the work force. Which always scares the piss out of the parasite class.

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    1. They seem to spot us a mile away. I didn't look but I bet she walked away holding her nose...thanks, my lovely friend.

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  8. I wouldn't want to meet my twin in a dark alley . . .

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    1. Yeah, neither would I. Thanks, my friend.

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  9. Replies
    1. It just seemed appropriate. Thank you, my friend.

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  10. Alpha males haunt the nightmares of liberal feminists.

    I'll bet she went home to her cats and couldn't stop thinking about you.

    50 Shades of Terrifying Conservative.

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    Replies
    1. Our type give her kind nightmares. Thank you, David.

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  11. She'll be whining about you to anyone who will listen for days.

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    1. Probably planning a rally...thanks, my friend.

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  12. If she only knew you are also a follower of her "Back to Nature" Blog :)

    That was an excellent come back though, good job. I probably would have said "not the entire government just your right to vote" or something.

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    1. Indeed. That comeback wasn't nothing more than my inability to think quickly on my feet. I was tired...I'll get her next time. Thanks, my friend.

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  13. Replies
    1. Well, thanks, Bubba...haven't had a good well done in, well, a long time.

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  14. Practical lessons here, people. Situational Awareness in action.

    You just don't ever know what the stranger around you has in their heart or be planning to do.

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  15. HELL YEA!!! Bravo, Bravo. BIG GRIN....

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    Replies
    1. Ah, shucks...it really wasn't much, but thanks, my friend.

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  16. Hey! You found one of those "strong, independent women" that I've been hearing about. Well done. That's one elusive creature, right there.

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    Replies
    1. Come on down here...I'll give you a bucket full. Thanks, Bubba.

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  17. Thanks Stephen! You made my morning :)

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    1. You are more than welcome, Pretty Lady...are you back in action?

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  18. I needed a laugh this morning! And I love your stories. Have a blessed day. :)

    Jane

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    Replies
    1. Shucks, thanks my lovely friend. God bless you too.

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  19. You're going to get disappeared one of these days........

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    Replies
    1. I know. When it happens please mount a rescue party.

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  20. You should write a book, you have a way with words!!!!

    Your response to bean sprout butt is just too funny!!!!!

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    Replies
    1. Well, heck...thank you, Pretty Lady. I do appreciate the nice compliment.

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  21. God love ya'! You are so funny :) I would love to have seen her face. I'm still laughing!

    Blessings,
    Red

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  22. Replies
    1. Trust me, my good friend, I'm nothing special but thank you so very much for the nice compliment.

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  23. Awesome Stephen! I needed a good laugh today :)

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