Autumn

Autumn

Saturday, June 1, 2013

Laundered Cash

He came in and asked about the Remington shotgun, an 870 and she was a beauty. The moment he fondled her stock and racked the slide I knew he was hooked.

"You can't come off the price just a little, can you?"

I glanced away to take in the beautiful weather. We've had good strong winds and I wanted so badly to be outside. I gave him a smile, "No, my friend. I'm sorry, but I've cut the price to the bone as is and you know she's worth at least three hundred more than my asked price."


As he stroked the Remington I daydreamed of fishing poles and a kid with a battered tin can of wigglers and a long lost creek of cool tannin stained water and the heavy pleasant pull of redbreast and bluegills. Again, he interrupted with, "Stephen, hey Stephen."

"Sorry. What?"

"I'll take it. Listen, is it okay with you if I run to the ATM? I haven't got enough cash."

I said, "Sure."

Nice fella. Half way to the door he turns with, "Hey, Stephen. Listen, would you be willing to take two hundred in one dollar bills? Thing is, I save money by never spending my ones. I just throw them into a box at home. Kinda of my way of saving for a rainy day. I'll pay the rest in twenties. Is that okay with you?"

I thought it over for all of two seconds. "Sure, cash is cash." Like I said, he's a nice man. His son is currently humping the ground of Afghanistan, a Marine. The 870 is a gift to his son upon his return.

He leaves. I returned to my daydreams. About an hour later he walks in with a cardboard box and dumps a pile of cash on me...and I do mean dumps. Thing is the moment he removed the lid from the box this smell, this arid acid tinged odor of aged cigarette damn near slapped me to the ground. I gagged, literally.

I'd overlooked the fact the buyer smoked. So, there I stood with a pile of loose cash. My friend and I shake hands and he leaves with his shotgun and I turn to this pile of, well, stink. Fast forward a few hours and I walk into the house and set my satchel on the kitchen counter. I remove the bundle of money and instantly our kitchen is overwhelmed with the stink. Sweet Wife isn't happy.

We discuss my bad judgement and before I can blink I'm pushed into the laundry room. She has a firm grip on her nose. She hands me an old pillow case, points towards the dryer and gives me a few sheets of fabric softener. I bundle the bills inside, tie a knot and throw the mess into the dryer. Didn't work.



I hope, I mean I really hope, the cash makes it through the washing cycle without damage....



Stephen  


15 comments:

  1. Oh wow. Good luck with that! I have been told that yes you can wash it. =) I would just deposit it somewhere or get a money order with it.

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    1. It worked...nice and fresh cash. Thanks, Keads.

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  2. You could trade it in for the new Canadian dollars. Maybe send it to Kymber for trading :)

    I hear their money smells like Mable syrup now!!!

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    1. Ah, maple syrup, love it but no thanks, I'll keep it. The money came out of the wash and smells fine. Then again, Loonies spend just as well. Thanks, my friend.

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  3. Bills are fabric. I would put it in the pillow case, dump in a cup of vinegar, let it soak and rinse it on a short cycle.

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    1. Wish I had read this before my bed time...used the wife's liquid stuff. Thanks, Dear Linda.

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  4. Stephen,

    You can go to the bank and get knew money. Or just deposit it and let the bank deal with it, lol.....

    Give Sweet Wife a hug from your Oklahoma friends.

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    1. As soon as she returns from church I'll give the hug...thanks, Sandy.

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  5. Baking soda removes odors. Put the money in a paper bag, dump in a box of baking soda, shake well and let it sit a spell. Repeat.

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    1. Noted for future use...thanks, Sweet Lady.

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  6. cripes Stephen - it sounds like your "buddy" is/was in the drug trade, is/was a dealer...or is/was storing cash for dealers. i would be very concerned about bringing the money to a bank or ATM - in canada and the states all financial institutions have to report STRs (suspicious transaction reports). your financial institutions have to report to FinCEN, ours to FINTRAC. one of the major indications of drug dealing is stinky bills in small denominations. if there is someone at your bank that you deal with regularly - call them and explain the situation - they may be willing to take the money without filling out a report. if not, call FinCEN. just explain that you are a small business owner, have never had anything like this happen before and you want to get their advice on what to do.

    your friend,
    kymber

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    1. Trust me Love, he's not a drug dealer...just a heavy smoker. Engineer for the government. This cash will never see the inside of a bank...Thanks, my lovely friend.

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  7. I tried to get the smoke smell out of a truck that was owned by a heavy smoker. Tried every trick in the book and only got about 90% of the smell out. Time took care of the rest.

    I've run a lot of cash through the wash, but I run a lot of stuff though the wash. Never learned to check pockets.

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    1. Way back when, I ceased smoking in my shop. It took years for the smell to dissipate. Fabric, never, just clunked it into the trash. Thanks, my friend.

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