Autumn

Autumn

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Distractions

I find it hard to write when a new book arrives. I ordered Larry Correias' newest novel, 'Monster Hunter Legion,' weeks ago. It arrived yesterday. A nice signed limited edition. It even smells nice.

I ripped open the package and pulled the book out and sat it gently upon my desk and thought - 'what the heck, I'll write tomorrow and read today'. If you want to make God smile....

Anyhow, in between work and dealing with customers I read about six pages.

You know you want it.

*****

When I flipped on the computer this morning I noticed a little window pop open...it screamed at me that several updates (real important security updates) awaited my attention and it insisted I 'click here' and demanded I comply. So, I obeyed.

I sincerely wish I had the patience of my good friend, Rev. Paul, and the technical knowledge of my equally good friend, Borepatch. I hate to randomly download computer updates. I've had so many, shall we say. glitches afterwards it kinda worries me.

I dutifully selected those I felt important and ever so gently hit the fire control button and sat back and waited.

The wee boogers inside my computer whirred and hummed and then flashed, 'hit restart.' I again complied.

As my computer went about its mission I reached over to my old fashioned Rolodex and flipped the pages to the number of my computer repair guy - just in case. I then pulled my .45 and waited. I've always wanted to shoot a computer and I'd felt this morning I might just get lucky and have a shot.

Another window opened and green bars whizzed back and forth. Then, nada.

Not a single problem. Sigh. Holstered my weapon. 

Maybe next time.

*****

Last evening, late, Sweet Wife turned to me and asked, "Are we still grandparents?" 

She was seated at the kitchen table. She had her business laptop open and papers stacked knee deep. I walked over and began to gently rub her shoulders. She lowered her head and did one of those moans as women tend to do under massage. Outside, on our deck, three raccoons took turns feeding from our cat's bowl.

"Well, are we?"

How was I to answer.

Me, "Yes, Honey, you'll always be a grandmother."


Her, "When?"

I answered, "Honey, I really don't know. We must be patient."

She turned, reached and took my hand and laid her cheek upon it. Her face was warm and wet and small shudders, spasms almost, ran through her body. I bent and kissed the top of her head and whispered, "Please, please, don't cry. Find a distraction, a hobby besides work, and hide your sorrow and try and forget. Please."

I worked my thumbs lower and applied pressure to her back. Small tears continued to roll down her face and my soul cried too.

Then, "Have you found your distraction? Have you forgotten our grandchildren?"  Anger, just under the surface.

"No, I'll never forget them. And, she is always on my mind. I can't walk through my life and not find a memory of her. She surrounds me. But, I function."

Silence. I waited. I listened as my old tide clock ticked and marked the hours until the next tide event. The raccoons continued to eat. She sniffed. 

"I'll never forget," she said.

 I gave her another kiss and as I walked away, said, "And neither will I."

Stephen 




 

24 comments:

  1. My heart breaks every time I think of your situation. Please pass along to your sweet wife that we're praying, and must trust that God knows what He's doing. There WILL come a day of reconciliation, when you are reunited with the one you love.

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    1. Thank you for you prayers, Rev. Paul. They are very appreciated.

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  2. Our hearts break also. You are too good of grandparents to ever forget. We kind of have a similar situation here. Not a good thing. Our prayers are with you and Sweet Wife daily.

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    1. I'm sorry to hear you have the same problem, John. It's just a bad situation all around. Our prayers, too, are with you. Thank you.

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  3. No, you never forget. It breaks your heart, but you never let them go, no matter how hard it hurts. I've been where you are when my ex and I split up and I was a couple of thousand miles away from the kids, and I'm praying that the Lord gives you both the strength he gave me during those dark days.

    Take care, my friend.

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    1. Thank you, my good friend. I was asked, last night, if she, after all this time, would remember us. I replied, yes indeed. She'd never forget her Nana. God bless you, DaddyBear.

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  4. Every time you post on this subject it reminds me of my spiteful, foolish pride days. I sure regret all that. Hope your situation plays out better than mine did.

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    1. Thank you, my friend. I hope so too.

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  5. I have high hopes for your situation Stephen. Each day Little Bit gets a bit older which is hard because you don't see it but it also means each day the parental blockade crumbles just a bit more. As long as you don't forget she will return. I have seen the same scenario work out with many a father who has had his children taken away from him and placed out of reach. Eventually they begin thinking for themselves.

    Children should not be used as a tool but they so often are these days because we once again let government into an area they shouldn't be in.

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    1. She has been and continues to be used as a tool...you are so correct. I truly pray the Lord ends this very soon. Thank you, my friend.

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  6. You never forget, your loved ones are etched in your hearts. You may get distracted and you learn to cope, but the love and ache remains.

    My prayers are with you and Sweet Wife...and Little Bit. God will help you through this..rely on Him.

    Blessings!

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    1. I try to compartmentalize my pain...it's much too hard for Sweet Wife. She glows with the pain and I seem helpless to ease it. Take care, Sweet Lady, and God bless.

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  7. I am glad you got a good book to read. Does Sweet Wife like needlework? It has helped me thru some very trying times. Has she ever tried painting or scuplting? It can be very good for the soul and mind. My heartaches. . . .You Both are In My Prayers.

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    1. No, my dear, she doesn't like needlework. She just works. Thank you, very much, for your kind prayers.

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  8. You two are tops as grandparents before, and even more so right now. Sometimes life keeps those that love each other apart, lord only knows the rhyme or reason, for now keep on keeping on! That's the situation as it is, make the best of it, and once day... *sigh* one day, your lives will come full circle. I don't fully know the whole situation but I have faith it will be so.

    I can personally vouch for the right hobby, or distraction if you want to call it that, everyone should have something to do. My mind is like a bucket full of squirrels amped on caffeine and just won't ever shut down. I recently took up reloading and I have to say, its very calming, and I get so engrossed in what I am doing its like the world quietly goes out of focus and its just me doing my own thing. We all need a bit of that.

    Continuing prayers from me and mine to you and yours.

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    1. Thank you for such a kind and thoughtful comment, tiwimon....I sure wish I could convince my wife to reload. Prayers are always welcomed. Thanks, and God bless.

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    1. Ah, you lucky fella you...no spoilers. Thanks, my friend.

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  10. That book is very nice. Glad to hear you have something to keep you busy. You know time can be so boring sometimes.

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  11. When I read your blog, my heartaches for you & your Sweet Wife's pain..I truly believe God will take care of this terrible situation, I have prayed and prayed and chanted I do Buddhist chants..Knowing what a person throws to God and the universer will be taken care of in the meantime..Please hang in there, it is very difficult to be separated from loved ones, but there will come a time of reckoning and it will be so sweet for your and your Sweet Wife to be with your grand daughter, it will be loverly as the term is used and beautiful...ciao!

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    1. Thank you very much my kind friend.

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  12. Oh, Stephen, I wish y'all weren't so far away. I've got a pixie and an imp that would probably love an extra set of grandparents to spoil with affection.

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    1. And spoil and love them we would do indeed. I can't look at a child now without wanting to reach and hug them. Take care, and thank you, my friend.

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