Autumn

Autumn

Tuesday, September 4, 2012

Snake In My Pants

About 0600 this morning the sound of the shower made me sit my coffee aside and walk back to our bedroom. As I walked inside to say good morning to Sweet Wife I glanced over towards our bed. Its big, high; a child has little problem crawling beneath.

I noticed something odd on the floor next to the bed. I did a double take. A snake. A live snake with its head raised with its tiny red tongue at full flicker.

Sweet Wife opened the bathroom door. I said, "Hey, check it out." Then pointed towards our unusual visitor.

Scream....then, more screams. Then, she levitated, and screamed. In one step and bounce she was on top of the bed. Best flat-footed jump I've seen since high school.

Snakes will do that to a person....

She asked from where the little booger came and how in the heck did it get inside our home. I reminded her we do live on a river and have a fairly large game preserve next door. She didn't buy it. So then I said it probably came from my pants. I tried to explain I'd mowed our yard earlier and it had probably hitch-hiked a ride inside my BDU's, and when I came inside it had dropped out and taken residence under the bed.

She threw a pillow at me.

I laid the poor dead critter on our vanity and snapped a couple of shots as it twisted and turned. I'd smacked it with my handy bamboo back scratcher. Sweet Wife said the back scratcher must now be thrown into the trash....then screamed as she watched the snake twist and turn. I explained this was normal behavior for a recently deceased reptile. Didn't change her course of action.

She said, "Flush it."

I did as requested.

Stephen

41 comments:

  1. WOW! I would have screamed too....Poor SW..and poor snake.

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    1. Poor snake my butt...it was funny to me. Thanks, pretty girl.

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  2. You sure know how to have a fun-filled morning. Glad it was that easy to take care of, too.

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    1. It was kinda funny. I thought she'd get a kick out of a snake in the bedroom. Boy was I wrong. Thanks, my friend.

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  3. What kind was it? I couldn't tell fro the picture. Of course being half blind doesn't help.

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    1. Not sure but I believe it was a little garter snake. Thanks, Robert.

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  4. You planted it for entertainment value and to get the blood going..
    Admit it!!
    I would have screamed also and any sharp edge weapons or one the went BANG may have, probably would have been brought into play..

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    1. Wish I had thought to plant it...then again, she'd have shot me if she discovered I'd pulled such a mean trick. Thanks, my friend.

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  5. I tell people not to scream at snakes. It tramatizes them, the poor things.

    Snakes don't bother my lovely wife at all. Spiders on the other hand . . . She's not a fan of the big wolf spiders that keep moving into the house.

    Life in the country.

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    1. Bugs of any stripe, snakes, snails, butterflies, bumps in the night all scare my wife...she's such a girl. Thanks, Sixbears.

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  6. My Dad was the last of the great white hunters. He once shot a mouse, in his house. So, you could join the club. Whacking a snake with a back scratchier. That would put you right up there at the top. Mom screamed, when she saw the mouse. And screamed some more, when he shot that little bugger.

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    1. I've shot rats in barns but never a mouse...did he use a shotgun. Thanks, my friend.

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  7. Awesome the things we can do when an small animal suddenly appears.

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    1. Indeed. I do draw the line at snakes in my house. After I quit laughing it was a simple matter of disposal. Thanks, Max.

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  8. if you flushed it, and the snake was playing possum....good chance of that coming back to bite ya on the ass....

    My floor would have been full of holes....I hate snakes.

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    1. Trust me, that sucker was dead, or as Boortz says, DRT. Thanks, my friends.

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  9. Boy have I got a snake story for you! I don't think my allowable word count for comments is near long enough. Let's just say, 40+ woman, in pj's, no make up and bra-less, running at full speed across the street to our neighbors to get his help in catching a snake that got in to our livingroom. Now, something like that WOULD haunt you for life! Not the snake, the bra-less woman!

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    1. Now that would have been a sight to see...thanks, Izzy.

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  10. What, you didn't skin it and cook it? Tastes like chicken right?

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    1. Too small for a meal...next time. Thanks, Sweet Lady.

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  11. i'm with Mrs. S. - yer always goin' on about shootin' and eatin' squirrels - i would have thought you'd have grilled that baby up?!?!?!? you goin' soft on us, buddy?

    bahahahahahahahahah! your friend,
    kymber

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    1. I like cats too. They make great BBQ. Soft, not on your life. Thanks, my sweet friend.

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  12. The doctor would have declared me dead and started filling out the paperwork. I'm only one snake in the bed away from a massive coronary. ha ha ha the rat

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    1. Just glad the sucker didn't climb into our bed...my wife would have dead of fright. Thanks, my friend.

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  13. Ok I have a snake story. We had an old shower in our garage that was set off the house. My dad brother and me would use it when we got home from work and were to dirty to go inside (mom's rule). Anyway I was in there and looked up and there was a black snake climbing over the wall. Being a level headed country boy of good upbringing i stepped out naked as can be picked up a hachett and cut the snakes head off and threw it in the yard and finished my shower

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    1. What's not to like, a naked kid, a snake, and an ax...blog it. Thanks, my friend.

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  14. Looks like a black racer, should have picked him up and taken him outside. Snook up on a 6 footer last week in my yard and got with a foot of him. I must have been beside him for 5 mins as i watched him search through the grass for food, he would every now an again pop his head up to look around.

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    1. Looked like a snake to me. I have one that lives in our backyard. I understand they're almost extinct. Ours is about eight feet long. I see it two or three times a year. Thanks, Bubba.

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  15. Ran into one at the lake while fishing, he left us alone and we left him alone. I think he was a banded watersnake.

    http://lastrefugeofascoundrel.blogspot.com/2012/09/labor-day-weekend.html

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    1. Cute little suckers, aren't they...thanks my friend. PS, love your car.

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  16. Phyllis (N/W Jersey)September 4, 2012 at 5:57 PM

    Might be startled by one, but not afraid. Many, many years ago we had a neighbor who had a HUGE snake as a pet. After it had eaten a couple of mice and wasn't hungry anymore, I wrapped it around my shoulders, went next door to our house and rang the bell. Hubby opened the door, took one look and slammed the darn door right in my face! He hates, just hates snakes. (He kept the door locked for the rest of the day, too!) Just don't show me a spider.......

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    1. Phyllis, that's weird....I'm afraid of very little in this life but a snake around my neck isn't cool...sucker might decide to squeeze. Thanks, my dear lady.

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  17. I hate snakes. Not like gotta kill them on sight kinda hate but I do not like touching them or being forced to mess with them. I had way too many encounters with them when I was a surveyor out brush busting. I dislike leeches too for the same reason.

    That being said why did you draw her attention to it? I would have covered it up and gotten my wife out of there and then taken care of the situation. Had my wife seen a snake in the house we would be moving before the sun set.
    Or she would think we were anyway I would just ignore her until she finally realized she couldn't do it without me. Still more trouble than I want to deal with.

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    1. Like you I'd not kill one on sight as long as its outside...but in my bedroom, that booger is dead. As I've said I thought it funny and didn't realize she'd freak out. Thanks, my friend.

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  18. Stephen,

    No coleman cooked snake for you my friend.
    Poor Sweet Wife!!!

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    1. She checked the bed several times afterwards. Bless her. Thanks, Sandy.

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  19. I'm familiar enough and fond enough of snakes (have had many as pets down through the years) that I'd not kill a non-venomous one in the house, but would catch it and release it outside. Venomous snakes, though, get made into hatbands. Luckily I've never encountered a snake in the house.

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    1. Bob, I'm just mean that way. Snake in the house equals one dead critter.

      Thanks, my friend.

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  20. Your poor wife gave NO thought to her request. There is NO way she can ever sit on that toilet again without peeking down every two seconds.

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    1. I know, isn't it funny. She'll be butt puckered for a long time. Thanks, my dear.

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