Autumn

Autumn

Thursday, September 6, 2012

It Was Purely by Chance

I haven't seen her in months and this morning it was purely by chance as traffic came to a halt at a public school zone. The crossing guard flipped his red sign to 'stop.' I watched as the children began their walk and there she was, her father in escort. He did not hold her hand. She walked with her head held down.

I lowered my window and was just about to yell her name when some little inner voice held me back. I knew if he saw or heard me he'd alter his and her arrival the next morning. So, for a few brief seconds I was able to watch as my heart crossed the street. She was so very close, yet so far from my reach.

She wore jeans and a flowered shirt with white shoes. Seems strange not to see her in her private school uniform. Seems he's taken her from her school and willingly placed her into the state's arms where she'll be indoctrinated by socialist.

I drove away from her in a daze. It had taken all my will power not to call her name. All I wanted was a simple wave; a brief, "Papa," thrown my way.

I'll park nearby tomorrow. All I want are a few seconds, a tiny glimpse of my heart, as she walks across the street.

Stephen
 

53 comments:

  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

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    1. I know it was tough, but you did the right thing as it would have just upset her.

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    2. Thank you, Matt. It was hard.

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  2. I'm with Matt; her father would have picked a new route tomorrow. But my heart aches for yours, and your wife's.

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    1. Thank you, my friend. I'm not sure he didn't see me. This morning I waited thirty minutes. No show.

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    1. Not really, my kind friend. Yesterday upset me pretty damn badly. I was worth a hoot yesterday. I didn't even surf the interwebs. Thanks, my friend.

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  4. Stephen,

    My friend, I know it's hard, but you did the right thing.
    You don't want her father(el sh*&head) doing something in front on her or the other kids. I'm keeping you, Sweet Wife and Lil Bit in my prayers.

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    1. Thanks, Sandy. I was certain if I made a move she'd jump and run my way...then I'd of paid dearly.

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  5. That is your grand daughter? right? right! Too bad you cannot see and connect with her time will fly bye and it will still ache in your heart..What is it with this country kin cannot be with kin when there is anykind of a difference..I was held away from my grandmother until I was 18 years old my momma died early because she lived in california, I was on the first bus to california the morning after I graduated, she waited in a greyhound bus depot for about 2 days would not budge until I got off that bus, she cried like Jesus was there for her, she only lived for a few years but those were the sweetest years I had with my grandmother and yes I was her favorite my siblings did not care for her as she was strict and fussy, but she lived for me, I knew her and my only child favors her in beauty, character and style and most of all love..praise to God for your love and your wife's too for your little darling, perhaps a miracle will happen they do you know and you will be reunited! prayers for you and Sweet Wife and Lil Bit too!XX

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    1. Yes, my anonymous friend, she is my grandchild, my heart. I'm so very sorry you've experienced this situation too. I pray for that miracle. God bless you and thank you for the kind and warm comments.

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  6. I pray that God continues to guide you, protect her, and strengthen you all! HUGS

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    1. Thank you, my dear Kellie. God bless.

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  7. Joe's daughter deserted her two kids. The no-account son-in-law took them and said we couldn't have contact until they were 18. We've hidden behind cars, done 'drive bys' in a rental car so we wouldn't be seen, and kept quiet.

    You MUST. Trust me. He will change her school, change their address, whatever it takes to hurt you further.

    The teen years are hell on a parent. He will have a teenager to deal with who wants to see her papa. That's all WE have to live for, and we hope we live long enough.

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    1. So many grandparents suffer...I never knew. I thought my family weird, at first. Then I've had more and more share their experiences...it's a damn shame. Sadly, it's the grandchildren that suffer. God bless, and thank you, dear lady.

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  8. ugh. my heart breaks for you. you did the right thing. i am so sorry. i can't even imagine how much this must hurt. i really wish there was something that i could do. i am so very sorry, dear sweet one, so very sorry.

    i promise to always keep her in my thoughts and prayers. always.

    your friend,
    kymber

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    1. Dearest one, my patience runs thin. I try, I really do try to stay the course. Sweet Wife keeps telling me to trust in God. It's hard. I want to shot, somebody. Thanks, sweet one, and God bless you. P.S., I'll try and answer your nice email today. Yes, she read and uses your advice....

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    1. Amen, my brother. Thank you. Hey, if you read this, what bike would you suggest for a first timer....?

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  10. she'll be indoctrinated by socialist.

    Sad.

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    1. Isn't that a fact...thanks, my friend.

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  11. ... *tears* praying for you

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    1. Thanks, my sweet friend...I'm sorry for the tears.

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  12. Phyllis (N/W Jersey)September 6, 2012 at 4:14 PM

    Oh, how hard that must have been for you! Sometimes doing nothing IS the right thing to do Stephen, even though you wanted to call and reach out. Now is not the time - you will know when the time is right. Little Bit has all the wonderful memories of you and Sweet Wife to hold her until then.

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    1. It was extremely difficult not to just yell hello to her...but I knew it would blow my chances of a mere glimpse of her. Thanks, my dear Phyllis.

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    1. Thank you, my good friend...prayers are always welcomed.

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  14. Oh, my heart is breaking for you. Just know there are many of us thinking of you and Little Bit.

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    1. Thanks, Izzy. I'm truly sorry to have made so many sad...it was not my intention. God bless.

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  15. awww man... Its good you did not say anything. I know it was probably hard though. Just don't let him see you there, he might try to say you are a stalker.

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    1. I am a stalker....of her. I just want to see her, even if just for a fraction of a second. It's killing me, Sweetheart, killing me.

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  16. God bless you, your wife and your grandaughter.
    I have an idea of what you are going through. Truly sorry.
    God Bless

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    1. Thank you, my friend. God bless you too. Enjoyed your post of this week. Beautiful pictures.

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  17. This rips at my heart. I cannot imagine my childrens' life without my parents in it. I can only pray that you will be back together soon. She needs her papa back.

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    1. I understand and thank you, my friend. The difference between you and my son is, you're a mature intelligent man. He's still a kid. A thirty-four year old child. I love him, but he has destroyed our faith and trust.

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  18. Still praying that things will work out for good.

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    1. Thank you, my dear lady...God bless.

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  19. I'm so sorry Stephen for you and Sweet Wife. My daughter is slowly melting and allowing us to get our grandson on occasion, especially when it fits her purpose but we will take what we can get. I will say another prayer that your son will come around. As the saying goes: when they are little they step on our toes and when they are grown, they step on our hearts. Our poor old hearts have been beaten to a pulp.

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    1. Good for you and please don't upset the apple cart. Sweet Wife made the comment last night if, and it's a big if, things get back to normal we'll need to tiptoe around them for the rest of our lives. Thanks, my dear.

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  20. Just a lurker here...just appreciate your writing...even on the most mundane subjects. As a new dad, I hurt for you. The best you can do is be ready at whatever time is yours to reconnect. Follow your heart, but heed your mind. I think all your friends here just hope for what is right. Be patient.

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    1. Anon, a humble thank you. Please, come on out and join the crowd...nice people hang here. I shall follow my heart and congratulations on your new fatherhood. Those little ones are gifts from God...protect and love them with all your heart. Again, thank you.

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  21. Hey, thats one reason why you are who you are. You have discipline. We have talked offline about this outside of the blogisphere, and today you chose wisely and made the right call. BZ!!!

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  22. hang in there my friend. the days are long but the years will fly by. do the best you can and hope that it's enough. Stay strong and you will get through. Joe.

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    1. Thank you, Joe. Good advice. God bless.

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  23. It must've broken your heart, but you did the right thing - for her sake. Imagine the confusion if she had seen you? How would she have kept that secret?

    Be strong, Stephen. We're all praying and pulling for you - and for Little Bit.

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    1. Indeed. I'm sure she feels she is being punished, that her separation from us is for some transgression she isn't of which she isn't aware. It kills my soul. Thank you, my dear friend.

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  24. I can't even imagine the pain. Both of you have my prayers. I am sorry.

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    1. Thank you my friend. As I've written, I did not intend to make so many sad....God bless.

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  25. Still....In a way that moment was a gift to you.

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    1. Indeed, Tammy. I often forget to thank the Lord for the blessings I do receive from him. Thank you so very much for reminding me. Please, don't be a stranger.

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  26. "Seems he's taken her from her school and willingly placed her into the state's arms where she'll be indoctrinated by socialist."

    That's child abuse if you ask me.

    Glad you got to see her Stephen. Sorry it was so brief and so far away.

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  27. Bubba, it is abuse and it pissed me off. I'd eat dried beans for life in order to afford her private school. I'm willing to sacrifice for her education because I love her. Tells you something about her father, doesn't it. Thanks, my friend.

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