Autumn

Autumn

Friday, June 8, 2012

It's The Little Things

Little Bit walked around the corner of the building with the other first graders; their line orderly and quiet. I leaned against a concrete pillar a few yards ahead and waited. Little Bit walked with her head down as if counting the cracks in the sidewalk. Finally, she noticed me.

I'll never forget her reaction. She broke from the line at a dead run, arms extended, and she screamed, "Papa, Papa."  Little Bit jumped into my arms and I lifted and wrapped my arms around her little body. She was warm and smelled good and I planted at least a hundred kisses on her face and neck and I was happy for the first time in over a month.

As I held her she screamed, "Papa I love you, Papa I love you," over and over. The line of children had stopped and stood quietly as we were reunited. The teacher smiled. I almost, almost, lost it.


After what seemed hours she whispered in my ear, "Papa, you can let me down now." She then walked over to Birth Mother and gave her a hug. They kissed. I smiled.

We sat on an outside bench and talked. I told her Papa and Nana and her mother had not forgotten her and still loved her. I explained we were hard at work on visitation and a means to normalize her life. Little Bit said, "I know, Papa."

Then, "Papa, am I still the light of your life?"

Her mother broke. I took Little Bit back into my arms and said, "You'll always and shall ever be the light of my life. I love you, little girl. Papa will always love you."

"I know, Papa."


She's lost weight. Her hair was a mess. I asked her several times if she was well, okay, was she in pain or hurt. "I'm okay, Papa. When can I go home with you and Nana and mommy?" I felt like a knife had been driven into my heart. But, I smiled and said, "Very soon, Honey, very soon."

I asked if she understood why she had to stay with her father. She said, "Yes, he's mad, Papa." I then asked a few other questions. Our time was brief. I took a picture. She asked, "Please, Papa, don't put it on your blog. I'm not pretty enough." I promised, and I will not.

With one last kiss and hug she was gone.

It was a long walk back to my truck.

Stephen

55 comments:

  1. I am so glad you got to see her. My heart has been aching for you and your family. She sounds like a brave little girl. I'll keep praying.

    Now I need to go re-apply my eye make-up and get to the office!

    Blessings,
    Red

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  2. Damn man. Saying a prayer for y'all. Ihave a feeling I'll soon be in the same boat as you. My oldest (21) got his girl pregnant when he claims he wanted to leave. Now they are shacked up, mostly in white trash shacks.
    They are money vacuums that would make electrolux jealous and are fighting like cats and dogs (got a call last night.)
    Wife and I try to judiciously apply money where we hope it helps, beg to great lengths for resposibility, sobriety and job holding and offer to keep the 3mo baby as much as possible.
    But we still see it coming towards us like a train picking up speed and we are froze in place just waiting.........knowing its gonna hurt.

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    1. I hope, sincerely hope, my new friend, you do not find yourself in my kind of situation. It hurts. It's rough on the grandchildren. It's a no win situation all around. Thank you for the kind comment. God bless.

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  3. my heart burst inside of my chest just reading this....i don't know how you managed to keep it together?!?!!? ugh. i really wish that she didn't have to go through this. i really wish that your son would see some sense. ugh.

    i am so happy that you got to see her. i know it takes a bit of a load off. she is in our nightly prayers, dear sweet one...as are you, of course!

    your friend,
    kymber

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    1. Truthfully, kymber, between you and I, I didn't keep it together. I just didn't show it. Thanks, sweet one.

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    2. i figured as much, buddy. that must have been so hard to do by keeping it in. it is all going to work out...it just might take some time. she knows Papa loves her and she can cling to that. xox

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    3. Amen...she now knows for sure I love her and am working hard to resolve this problem...thanks.

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  4. I don't have anything or worth to say, but I just want to always comment because I want you to know I'm here, I care, my heart aches, and I am praying.

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  5. You almost lost it, and I did. She is so precious and brave - and what agirlandhergun said.

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    1. Thank you, very much, my fine friend. It was a long day for me.

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  6. I am thrilled you got to see her, hold her. You are in my thoughts and have my love.

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    1. Thanks, Phelan, it is much appreciated.

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  7. Let your soul rest a little now - all is well. LB KNOWS you (still) love her. She loves you. And she knows why you can't be together at this stage. And she knows you're trying to change that.

    Be easy on yourself, rest up, and have faith.

    I just LOVE those dimples... :)

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    1. The fact she knows I still love her and am not mad or haven't abandoned her indeed gives me peace. The walking away and leaving her to the unknown kills my soul. Thank you, Dani...very much.

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  8. I am so glad you got to see and hold her. A precious girl..sounds like she is being brave in a world that I'm sure she doesn't fully understand. I continue to hold you all in my prayers.
    CottonLady

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    1. Thank you, sweet lady, it's much appreciated.

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  9. I am so happy you got to see her! I am sure it did her a world of good to see you too. You will both remain in my prayers. God is always faithful.
    Tiffany

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    1. Thank you, dear Tiffany...prayers are always welcomed.

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    2. Thank you, dear Tiffany, your prayers and kindness means much to me. God bless.

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  10. Willing you all the strength I can muster.

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    1. Thank you, my friend. I need it.

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  11. It's great you got a chance to see each other. I know you are not where you want to be with your situation, but we can pray for improvement.

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    1. It's out of my hands, now. All I do is pay the price and leave the work to God and the lawyers. Thank you, my friend.

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  12. Glad you got to see her my friend, I know you are doing all you can.

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  13. Stephen,
    I know your trying real hard not to show Little Bit how upset you are. When you posted "you almost lost it", I cried for you. It's so hard when you have to deal with a stubborn adult child. Especially one who thinks he/she is doing the right thing by penalizing the other parent. I will continue to pray that your attorney and judge look hard at your case and make a judgement in your (LB's Mom, you and Sweet Wife) favor.

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    1. What's sad is, I don't no this man, a man that was once my son. I just can't figure him out....thanks, Sandy.

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    2. love who he was, deal with who he is. that is a very tough situation.
      best wishes to you both and to 'lil bit'

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    3. Thank you, Elizabeth. It's a touchy subject for me, this 'what was my son' thing....God bless.

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    4. sir if i infringed i do apologize.
      best of wishes to you, your lady, and lil' bit.

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    5. Elizabeth, no need to apologize. You have not infringed. All comments are welcome and they indeed lend help. You're correct in the I still love my son for what he is and pray for what he has become...he's just a stranger to me, of late. Thank you, very much, dear lady.

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  14. I am with kymber. I am so very happy for you. Stay strong.

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  15. I know your heart was lifted up with just being able to hug her and tell her you loved her. Remember that feeling always and the tough times will be just a bit easier.

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    1. I sure hope so, my lovely friend. I sure hope so....

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  16. I am truly happy that you got a chance to see your Granddaughter. We all know how much you missed her. Bless you all

    regards
    Dan

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    1. Thank you, Dan. Nice to hear from you...and may God bless you too.

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  17. I did "loose it" Hope all your legal attempts are fruitful, and you get to see each other more frequently.

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    1. With the grace of God we'll be able to see each the other soon. I pray for peace of mind almost constantly. Thank you so much for the kind comment and please don't be a stranger, kristine.

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  18. Wonderful Post Stephen, I didn't know whether to laugh or cry so I did a little of both. Good luck and best wishes as always.

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    1. Thanks, my good friend. I smiled and cried.

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  19. My brother fought for most of his grand daughter's life, trying to get her away from her drug addicted dad. I witnessed his pain for years.

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    1. Shame, isn't it, the damage done to children by parents. Thanks, my sweet friend.

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  20. Just praying for all of you. We know first hand what ou are going through...things are better now. Maybe not perfect, but better than before for our three grandsons. I pray for a speedy resolution and healing for your family and hearts.

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    1. Thank you, TT. Your prayers are most welcome. God bless.

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  21. Glad you were able to visit Lil Bit. Still praying that all will be well.

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    1. It was good to hold her once more...made my day. Thank you, dear lady, for the most welcome prayers.

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  22. So glad you got to see her and tell her you love her.

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    1. Thank you, dear Julie...it was important she know I had not forgotten her.

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  23. I cannot imagine what you're going through. LB is an angel.

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    1. Thank you, my friend. It is hard and I pray she'll not be scarred.

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  24. Glad to hear you seeing your Little Bit. I know it must have really brightened her day..as well as you seeing her gave you some peace in your heart. In My Prayers. All will be good again in a short while and peace and happiness to you all.

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