Autumn

Autumn

Thursday, May 17, 2012

Gray Day

I hear thunder. Our weather is overcast, gray. I like thunderstorms; it's odd how they gentle my mind.

I've just built another pot of coffee and am giving due consideration to a granola bar I've stashed for just this occasion.

Business is slow which doesn't help my awful depression.  I can't allow my thoughts to turn inwards. I need to stay busy. Black thoughts would lead to trouble and will not help with the situation. I know this, yet, it takes all my willpower and self-control to just wait, and wait, and wait.

At one point, this morning, my keys were in hand. At the last second I called Sweet Wife. She said, no. I obeyed.


I read a few chapters in my current book, rise and throw it down and pace. Its words hold little value for me. I turn to the window and stare.

This thunderstorm should help. Then again, its nothing more than a bandaid.


Stephen

32 comments:

  1. Just a gentle reminder - even bandaids help in healing. Keep breathing, sounds like you at the beginning of a more solid path . . .

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    1. Thank you, my friend. It's the wait I hate.

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  2. dear sweet one...hang in there a little longer. things are going to change by the weekend. it's not going to be easy but it will be different. and you will be able to see your Bit next week. much love being sent your way!

    your friend,
    kymber

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    1. I do appreciate the love, thanks my sweet kymber.

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  3. what for it..Good things come in small packages. You are just like a child at Christmas. I wish I lived closer I would stop in to bug you for awhile.

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    1. I'd enjoy the visit, Rob. Thanks, and take care.

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  4. The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He makes me to lie down in green pastures; He leads me beside the still waters ...

    Shall I go on? :)

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    1. Rev. Paul, thanks, I should remember such comforts. I'm just lost in a fog.

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  5. Hey My Friend Stephen,
    I know things are a little slow right now and your feeling a little down. Business will pickup along with being able to see LB. Is there a hobby that maybe you could work on while at work in your down time? A little something to keep your mind off of other things. It's just a thought.

    Thinking out loud to myself on hobbies....maybe reloading ammo, phyrography, making parachute cord items, writing a phamplet on how to clean guns.

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    1. Hobbies, yes, my dear Sandy. I read, shoot, read, cook, read, blog then read some more. But, I have a whole in my heart and it needs to be filled. Thanks, my good friend.

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  6. The winter of 2010 was THE darkest on record in Indiana. My doctor tried to help, then she said I had SADD, or whatever. After years of my life were used up due to depression, we moved to Florida. At first, the sun lifted me. Yesterday I was wishing for ONE gloomy day just to break the monotony of 'day in, day out'. I gave up trying to figure out WHY I was depressed when I stopped trying to figure out WHY I'd suddenly have an OKAY day. Chemicals dear man. It's all chemical and beyond our (my) control.

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    1. I guess so, my dear friend. Another storm has moved into our area and it sounds nice, soothing. It helps. Thanks, my lovely friend.

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  7. Two more days.
    You are in my thoughts and prayers.

    Blessings,
    Red

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    1. Thank you, Red. Prayers are always welcome. God bless you too.

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  8. Phyllis (N/W Jersey)May 17, 2012 at 4:07 PM

    Thunderstorms are Nature's way of giving us a chance to slow down, sit a spell and teach us patience while we wait for the sun to break through the clouds. It always does and it always will.
    A good rain cleans the air and the sad thoughts.
    Enjoy your storm, Stephen. Then smile at the sunshine.

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    1. I am, Dear Phyllis, I am. Thank you.

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  9. I like what Rev. Paul said...yet it's still not easy. Like a rainbow after a storm, things will be brighter soon.

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    1. I know, my friend. Guess I'm just feeling sorry for myself. My heart is lost and don't deal well with a lost heart.

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  10. We too are having a glorious thunderstorm today. I'm sitting on my front porch enjoying it. The ozone has turned everything a lusher, more verdant green than normal. The tomatoes and peppers have spread their leaves to soak it in, and the eggplants have raised their branches to the sky, almost closing them around themselves, as though engaged in a private rain dance. Silly eggplants. *flash* one-one-thousand, two-one-thousand, three-one-thousand, four-one-thousand, five-one-thousand, six-one-thousand, seven-one-thous...rumbling rolls over us, shaking the windows before it flows further inland along the valley. I hope there's more on the way. My teenager pops out to have a few words about dinner, Mac-n-cheese with tomatoes and beans and a huge salad is the consensus. He hops out to pick the greens, pausing to spread his arms and tip his head back to the rain. Silly eggplant.
    I found your blog a while back and started reading the archives, but lost the address before I remembered to put you on my blog roll. Then I couldn't find you again, until I looked and there you were. Thank you.

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    1. Gerand Gal, what a nice comment. You write well. I'll add you to my links. It's nice to have you. Thanks.

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  11. In My Prayers. . Weekend almost here, gonna be an exciting trip. . .Feeling of accomplishment! Before you turn around Little Bit will be in your arms again! I pray with her mom coming down, you will get to see her more. Keeping busy is gonna help you so much. Cook one of her many favorites. .Freeze it for later!

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    1. Thank you, Sweetheart. I don't freeze dinners....I'll make her tacos when she gets here Monday. She loves tacos.

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  12. I know you not only have your own turmoil from missing LB but I also know you hold HER turmoil in your heart also. It is when we are NOT able to do anything for our loved ones that we hurt the most. That is when we must leave the matter in God's most capable hands. We pray, work in harmony with our prayers, and "wait" on God to do His "thing". And it's even HARDER to NOT take it back from His hands. (I have a hard time with that, usually it takes a brick over the head for me to LEAVE it! lol) I see here on this blog, just an incredible number of arms and hearts that hold you, your wife, and Little Bit in them. Ya'all are not alone. Just soak up the REAL love here and let it strengthen you. Love NEVER fails.

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    1. You understand my dear Kellie. It's this feeling I have that she's not being treated well that worries me. Thanks, my sweet friend.

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  13. Ditto to what Kellie and everyone else said. It's hard now but will be all the more bittersweet when you finally get to see & hold her again. I too love thunderstorms. I hear another late day one that is over our heads right now. No rain yet, but thunder is rolling. Praying for a lighter heart for you, soon to come.

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    1. Thanks, my friend. We have rain now. Your prayers are most welcome.

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  14. Hang in there Stephan. Life is rough some times.

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  15. I do enjoy a good storm. Why, I don't know but dark skies make me happy. I'm glad you have Sweet Wife to keep you in line. If it weren't for mine...

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    1. 45er, a good storm and a cup of coffee and I'm content. Thanks, my friend.

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  16. You know better than anyone that LB is a strong spirit. She can weather this storm and the two of you will be even closer.

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    1. I know, my dear, but it's the not knowing that drives me nuts. Monday can't come soon enough for me. Thanks, Sweet Tammy. Nice to have you back.

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